Close the window Is she frivolous? “I have my girlfriend in Moscow. We have our K 1 interview soon. There have been some problems, like this one. This really bothers me. I think it shows frivolousness about life. My lady moved out of her hostel - it was really terrible, noisy, etc. She did this without talking to me, which is fine. She is using some of the extra money I give her to share an apartment with her friend. She told me that now she slept on the floor, no bed, only one pillow. This seems strange, leave a hostel that costs only $20 a month, she worked there too, to pay $100 per month to share with her friend, but sleep on the floor? Think... I give her $150 to buy a bed/sofa... ”.  So I talk to her yesterday- did you buy a new bed? Hesitation… She says: “a bed, or maybe shoes.” I say “shoes?” “Yes, I would like some spring shoes”. Last week, when I saw her in Moscow, she had spring shoes. I bought her "winter shoes", $150 at the mall at the Kremlin, so now she needs a second pair of 'spring" shoes. In fact, I have taken care of her; she has many, many clothes, a mobile telephone, etc, now. Understand, and I do not think I am Donald Trump, but when we met she had, two dresses, two pair of pants, a few blouses, and two coats, long and short. So I helped her. It’s normal. I said, “Hey, I gave you the money for a bed.” She says, “Well, I think you gave me money, for me, and maybe I want shoes.” If she needs more shoes, fine. But given a choice between sleeping on the floor and having a second pair of shoes, when the first pair is in good condition...this seems immature.... What do you think? On the airplane, I spoke with a Russian woman, who said "girls" now are so frivolous, they would rather spend $100 on a bottle of perfume than save the money or eat well. All women (and people) are different, but in the US, if a woman did this, I would think she was immature- again, what do they think in Russia?” “Yes, unfortunately it is true. Nowadays, many girls in Russia are willing to spend a significant amount of money to look attractive and sexy. In Russia they put too much attention to the way they look. In big Russian cities, women usually dressed up very well, even though they live in little apartments, which they often share with their parents. Most of them have no savings at all and spend their last money on designer clothing, expensive make up and perfume. I believe that it is a part of Russian mentality. When Russian women relocate abroad, most of them gradually change their attitude on this issue. They become more practical and often choose to save extra dollars, instead of throwing it away on something insignificant. They often change their dressing habits and prefer to wear more comfortable clothes, instead of high heels and short skirts… I still believe that, in your particular situation, there are much more latent unresolved issues. The “shoe question” just triggered your inner concerns and doubts about your relationship with this young lady. Her actions, provided she was open with you, and did not have any hidden agenda, don’t tell about her maturity at all. Probably, your friend believes that it is very important to look fashionable. May be she wanted to look prettier for you. Or, may be, she decided that you had enough money to take care of everything, and if she would ever need more money, you would be able to provide her with it. Logically, it’s not a question of $150, but a question of attitude. A decent woman will never ask for money, but if she was offered, she would probably dispose of it at her own will, according to her needs and desires. Anyway, expenses of people involved in international relationships amounts to thousands of dollars (all of the paper work, visas, tickets, long distance calling, you name it). If the question of money has come to your agenda, and caused you serious concerns so soon, I think, for your mutual benefit, you should openly discuss this matter with your fiancée as soon as possible. What should really bother you is how serious you feel about each other. Are you sure that she seriously considers you her “soul mate”, her future partner she has been searching for, or just a convenient source for a comfortable life? Have you been hunting for a trophy-wife or do you know this woman well enough, like and respect her as a person, and as a human being… For people involved in international romance, it is very difficult to see the true picture. There are plenty of nice, decent women in Russia. On the other hand, nowadays even a “good Russian girl” often thinks about foreigners as of a source of a comfortable life abroad in the first place. Later, such couples blame each other for wrong expectations, but very few are able to be mature enough to forecast the future and clearly see their true priorities before the marriage takes place. Sincerely, Natasha  Russian Women Abroad If you have serious questions about your relationship with your foreign partner, if you find something about her/him puzzling, if you need some in depth insight, visit my rubric "Ask Natasha" and join my club

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