TRAPPED

When I opened the letter that came as a response to my True Story “Seven Years in Lie,” and started reading, I got a feeling that somebody squeezed my chest and held it until long after I closed the email and turned off my computer. Later, I reread it in hope that I missed something or misunderstood the whole story. Alas, this nightmare was a real situation of one young Russian woman for the past three years. This story is still in development, and I hope that we could relieve her burden with moral support and friendly advice, if nothing more. She cannot receive emails for fear of being discovered. I promised her not to reveal personal information regarding her family. I also promised that we would try to find a solution to her problem, and share our opinions on the Forums of RWA.

When I asked one of our lawyers to comment on the situation, his first words were, “It is unbelievable story…. but I know it happens...” You can read his opinion on my Legal Club under the rubric“Lawyer’s Corner”.

Dasha (name has been changed), an eighteen year old girl, came to the United States as a student. She was a bright girl, graduated from the Language Center, and was pursuing an accounting degree in a college. That is when she met an American man. He was much older than  Dasha, but she was attracted to his masculinity. At that time, Don (name has been changed) was searching the Internet for Russian women. When he found out that Dasha was from Russia, he became especially interested in her.  They have been together ever since.  Her Student Visa expired, but she did not care – Don was going to marry her, as soon as his divorce was final. Dasha was young and inexperienced in relationships. She trusted the man and did not ask too many questions.  Only long after their first meet, Dasha discovered that Don had already been married three times.

He explained to Dasha, that he married the first  woman because she became pregnant. He said, “I thought the marriage was the right thing to do.” Dasha still could not understand why he decided to have three more children with a woman with whom he was not even in love… According to Don, he did not plan to marry the second woman either, who “wanted a child from him, hoping to keep her man”.  The third time, he married a Columbian girl, only because she was “a virgin.” Later, this young woman and her child were sent back to Columbia… Unfortunately, for Dasha, all this information was revealed too late – she had already become too involved with him by then. “Young and naпve, I was in ‘rosy dreams’ ”.  Don suggested to Dasha that they get married in Las Vegas before his divorce was final. She did not agree, hoping to marry him legally.  

Dasha was five months pregnant when he finally obtained that divorce.  Instead of keeping his word and marrying Dasha, he started conjuring up reasons not to marry. He tried to convince her that she “would need help with their future baby”. According to him, the best solution was “to bring a young Russian girl (under 18-24) to America illegally.” Dasha was shocked that one might want to bring someone here illegally, depriving her of any opportunity to study, work or even see her own family.  Don assured her that “there were plenty of desperate girls in Russia who would do such a thing”. In spite of Dasha’s protest, he fulfilled his plan. Another young Russian woman stayed in their house. Soon Don announced   “in order for this new girl to take care of their first (and not the last) baby, for the rest of her life, he would need to trap her.” He would “watch her period, and make her pregnant.” His reasoning --  “Russian women do not leave their children and would do anything to secure a father for their children.”  Later, he confessed that he “trapped” Dasha the same way. 

The two young women started fighting, and the situation in the house became volatile.  Dasha planned to reveal Don’s plans upon arrival of the new girl, but she was ashamed, and scared of the man.  He had threatened to deport Dasha, and deprive her of any  opportunity to see her children again. Don did not allow Dasha to take birth control pills, saying that he “wanted more children”. He threatened that if Dasha would not get pregnant in half a year, he would find another woman “to make children for him”.  Luckily,  Dasha convinced Don to send the other woman back to Russia. Their relationship became a little better, and Dasha became pregnant again, hoping this time that Don would keep his promise to marry her.  Meanwhile, Don was in no hurry to marry Dasha...  

Currently, he is seriously pursuing his plan to bring a new Russian girl to the country. He keeps romantic correspondence with several Russian women via the Internet, and has already paid for their foreign passports; he plans to bring one of them to the United States by the end of the year.  Don instructed Dasha to pretend to be “his ex-wife - who left him because he worked too much, and returned to live with him because she missed her babies.”  When the girl was to arrive, Dasha was to play a secondary role for six months -- or until “the girl is trapped”. He repeatedly made clear that he "trapped " Dasha on more than one occasion.  Don promised Dasha,   “after the (new) girl was successfully trapped, and Dasha didn't go crazy about it, he would then marry her and fix her legal status here.”  If she would not obey him, or display her temper,  he vowed he wouldn’t “send the girl back, but instead,  set up a new household, treating Dasha  “like dirt”.

Dasha does not want him to know that she has been complaining about him. “He gets very angry…” At the end of her letter, she added: “not counting all the above, he is a very hardworking man, ambitious and successful businessman, smart, intelligent and clever…loving too (if you go along with his desires)”.

Talking with Dasha, I was trying to understand if she realized that she had been abused. She agrees that Don treats her with no respect, and their relationship is far from normal. At the same time, this young woman hopes that he eventually “settles down”, keeps his promise to marry her, and have “a normal family”.

She does not have many relatives back in Russia, and she is scared to lose her babies if Don gets angry and “deports” her from the country. Dasha is a very attractive lady with two beautiful kids (I saw her photo). On my question “did she ever think about meeting someone who would really love her and treat with respect?” Dasha noticed, that she would not probably have too many chances because she already has two children.

Natasha Butsenina,
Russian Women Abroad