LEARNING RUSSIAN...

Impressions After Visiting Moscow Not As A Tourist...

Lesson1. Standing in line (at the Custom) to get out of the country is even worse than trying to enter

Lesson 2. If you are American, you must pay double for anything.

Lesson 3. It is considered cool to spend the most money possible for any particular item.

Lesson 4. When crossing the street, cross only with the crowd… the cars in front of the Traffic don’t dare try to kill everyone.

Lesson 5. The more cars in any one particular lane of traffic, the better.

Lesson 6. Whoever gets there first - wins.

Lesson 7. Everyone else died trying to get there.

Lesson 8. If you need to catch the bus, you must trick the driver first by crossing the Street and walking the other direction (they never seem to be going the same Direction as you).

Lesson 9. Sardines = any Metro

Lesson 10. Never Smile. The appropriate facial expression one must exhibit, while in Moscow, is that which resembles having feces placed in front of your nose.

Lesson 11. Similar to Lesson 10, “If you feel like crap, you must look that way.” No Pretending as though everything were “just fine.”

Lesson 12. Don’t look at anyone in the eyes. You must pretend that they are not there, Especially when fighting for the same space on the sidewalk (elbows Outward and shoulders in “blocking” position.

Lesson 13. More Vodka, please.

Lesson 14. More Vodka, PLEASE!!!

Lesson 15. Always carry a $10 bill if you want any kind of paperwork done (passports, Etc.)

Lesson 16. Breaking in line is allowed, as long as it isn’t you who is doing the breaking.

Lesson 17. Every car is a taxi.

Lesson 18. Don’t take a real taxi (refer to lesson 2).

Lesson 19. If you are a Russian priest, cross the street at anytime - without looking for cars. WOW, That one was impressive. Faith can really move mountains, or at least oncoming traffic.

Lesson. 20. The police carry machine guns. Ѕomeone don’t know how to use them. The other Ѕomeone use them first. Before they know which one is the bad guy. (if you kill everyone, then there’s a pretty good Chance the bad guy bought it, too).

Lesson 21. I asked my wife why it always seemed so difficult to get any legal matters accomplished in Russia. Her reply: “Only that which is illegal is legal.

Michael Sholar