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Not a Very Happy Story
“I am currently and unhappily married. And we still stay together only because I’m waiting for the documents that will allow me to stay in the US. This marriage is very hurtful for both of as. I could’ve probably stayed with him until I become legal here, but I think this way it will hurt both of us even more. I would not like to complain, but explain why it did not work for us.
After reading a lot of information on the Net, I have understood that there are some explanations… I found out that some men
believe that Russian women are very attractive, tender and intelligent, that they will be always happy with somebody who
will give them home and food. They are raised this way that they are always ready to please their man. This is one of the
reasons why I did not tell in my on-line Ad that I was from Russia. So, my husband wouldn’t expect the same from me.
But I can’t be happy and love someone just for giving me physical goods. I wish more. Also, that time, I did not know
English good and I could not understand that we did not have anything in common. After we started living together, I found
out that I was more educated, intelligent. I have degree in accounting, like to read, play piano… I absolutely can’t handle
dirty and vulgar language, but my husband can’t live without it. He shows me disrespect almost every day by saying that
“everything Russian is not any good”. That I have to be “grateful to him for brining me here”, for “feeding my daughter
and me”. With every day I fell more and more that I can not live with it.
Larissa
(The name has been changed)
Dear Larissa,
Thank you for sharing your story with the guests of RWA. The main purpose of this site is to give us, Russian women living
abroad, an opportunity to share our life experience, our problems, our sad and happy moments without a fear to be condemned
or judged by anyone. Larissa is not alone in her misery, there are many other Russian women and American men for whom their
International marriage did not work. Managing my project, I have been trying to find any trustworthy source of statistics
regarding the future of the international families. I was not very successful, but, instead, I came across the big number of
so-called “happy-ending” stories published by some on-line dating agencies. Meanwhile, our life proves that the real story
begins after the wedding ceremony. Very often, such stories are very different from the ones, published in the bride
catalogues.
Most of those, who have failed in their endeavors, feel embarrassed and unwilling to talk about their failure. That is why
it is so difficult for the rest of us to know the truth and make a fair judgment. This happens because instead of help and
support those, who try to speak out their problems, often receive humiliating comments and get labeled as “losers”. I noticed
that sometimes, in response to their complaints, Russian women get advice “to go back where they came from”. While listening
to such comments I always wondered if these people ever thought how difficult it could be for some of these women to
return back. To give up hope, bury all dreams and go back feeling even lonelier then they were before? The same may apply
to the foreign men who got heart-broken after their International marriage fell apart.
I cannot say how many of us are happy and how many are not, but running russianwomenabroad.com for about 4 years, I heard
many stories similar to Larissa’s. My friend – an intelligent and young Russian woman - was one of them. She met and fell in
love with an American man who later became her husband. They spent some time together when he came to Moscow. Though he was
almost twenty years older then this girl, she was charmed by him. She came to visit him in the USA and he proposed her. He
was so convincing that she made her decision and married him. Several months later she found out that just a year ago he
married and divorced a young girl from Columbia. After a year she found out that he had never stopped correspondence with
other Russian women from Ukraine and Moscow, whom he visited while they were still married. When she confronted him, he got
angry. Now he wants to divorce her and marry another Russian girl… After numerous consultations with lawyers my friend found
out that she seems to have no rights at all since she hasn’t gotten her Green card yet. This just an example…
I agree that everyone has to work on their relationships. Very often though, one of the spouses has no serious intention to
make any contribution in this direction. When we first meet someone, we always try to look better than we really are. It is
very easy to be mistaken, especially when you meet someone on the Internet. We all can make a mistake and we should be given
another chance. I believe that for most of Russian women, love, sincerity, happy and healthy family mean significantly more
than money and wealth. We have heard a lot of stories about poor American husbands “used and tricked by cunning Russian women”
from American TV and Mass Media. I believe that many of them were true. Still, very few of us are willing to hear the truth
about struggling and abused foreign women who seems to have no rights in the country of Freedom and Justice.
Sincerely,
Natasha
Russian Women Abroad
If you have serious questions about your relationship with your foreign partner, if you find something about her/him puzzling, if you need some in depth insight, visit my rubric "Ask Natasha" and become a member of my club:
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