Dear Natasha,
Thank you for your advice! Sorry to bother you again, but I want to get this right and you are the only one that I can trust to give me a straight answer.
I did meet a nice Russian woman a few weeks ago and I want to send her something more than just an e-card for Valentine's Day. Would the flowers that you can send internationally and some jewelry be a good choice or is this a waste of money? Or what would you suggest to really get her attention?
Thanks for you help"
Karl

Dear Karl,
Since you have started your correspondence only recently, I believe that you did not have enough time to understand who she really was. Neither did she. So, please be patient and spend more time on correspondence before you make sure that she is your One&Only.

As for the flowers, and other presents. When I was corresponding through the Internet I had one person who sent me an expensive gift after 3 or 4 emails. I had no preference that time regarding any of my pen pals, but though I liked the present, it did not change my attitude to this particular man a bit. Actually, after a couple of emails, I stopped this correspondence just because he did not interest me as a person.

In your situation, your Russian friend will be glad to receive any gift, which you will send her. But do not expect that she will make her preferences in your favor because of it. The dangerous thing is, that some girls start expecting more and more from the person who was generous from the very beginning. (Read “Dreams and Reality” in my True Stories)

As for me, I always liked those who made me feel special not by sending gifts but by the way they talked to me in their emails, those who made me laugh, who wrote me small poems, drew funny pictures, etc. – something that was personal.

If you still want to give her a present - all women like flowers! The other option is to offer your Russian girl the same amount of money you would spend on flowers for something more practical as her English lessons! Good Luck,
Natasha

Hi Natasha,
I met a lady from St. Petersburg over the internet. We email each other about 14 times or so over just for a month period. We initially, were fine just emailing each other about things we share and discuss. Then she mentions she wants to come visit me. Then a few week she mentions that she is busy working on her modeling assignments for the money to but the round trip ticket to come over. Well a few weeks later, she wrote back saying she needs to look for help to get the money by saying she ask her relatives. Then the next email she mentions she love me very much but she cannot find the money, she finally ask me for money to buy her the trip over.

Natasha, is she trying to pull a fast one on me, saying that she wants to come at her own efforts then she working for the money so she is busy then the story changes to she ask her relatives for money and then she ask me now for money?. I told her I need time to sort out the finances but she said that she miss me very much that she wants me to send money as soon as possible. Ever since she has been sending emails to me to ask for money. I am quite skeptical about her sincerity and her words, just a few emails for 2 months she said she love me so she need to come see me and she couldn't wait. This is not much for me to believe. Is there an avenue, I can check on her background before deciding if she is sincere. Or what kind of questions can I ask she to see if she is sincere about this.
Thank you,
A.


Dear A.,
I believe that you have many reasons to stay alert with your new Russian friend. I always advice people looking for romance over the Internet to be very mature in their search and take enough time to get to know the person behind the computer screen. Unfortunately, many people are too romantic and too impatient while following their dreams. This can be very dangerous. I would advice you to read the stories, which I wrote for my website. I think it may help you to see the real picture behind the beautiful frame.

To be fair, I must say that there is a chance that your pen pal is really wants to visit you and your country. (Still, a decent Russian woman will never ask you for money. To demand money - is in extremely bad taste.) At the same time, there are other possibilities which I would seriously consider. It looks like this woman trying to speed up your relationship, which has just begun. What is her reason? It could be very simple: she just wants to get the money. Nowadays, there is a lot of cons looking for easy money. More dangerous guess (and I truly hope that it is not the case)- your pan pal may not to be a real person but a part of the Internet schemers group. In any circumstances, it is very difficult to believe that the request of your Russian friend was caused by great love and passion. I am romantic myself. I do believe in love at first sight, but not after a couple of emails!

A., I do not want to discourage you, but I have enough experience to advice you to be very careful. Take your time getting to know this lady. Do not be afraid that she will stop writing you in case you do not send her money - it will be just a confirmation of her intent to use you. In case she proceeds your correspondence and expresses desire to meet you again, suggest her an option that YOU will visit her in Russia. Her reaction will definitely help you to understand if she really wants to MEET YOU.
Natasha

Natasha,
it was good to see your effort in this needy area. I have spent approximately 2 years getting to know various Russian women. I have made some very dear friends, but have not been successful in meeting my soul mate. I am interested in knowing more about your knowledge of how I could be successful. Also, I am very interested in what you know about the "expectation trap" that I and others have fallen into at one time or another. Hope to hear from you soon.
Best regards,
Michael

Dear Michael,
I believe that your concerns regarding the expectation trap has a solid ground. The new economy and Perestroika (the process of Changes in the former Soviet Union) has immensely affected life of all Russians and particularly, women. The image of traditional “Eastern Woman ” can not be applied for many of them anymore. While there are still a lot of women who are looking for love and sincere relationship, where is a growing number of that who is trying to use their partner.

Foreigners have more chances to meet these last ones since many decent Russian women do not attend restaurants and nightclubs (the places, where many foreign men meet their dates). There is also no guarantee that you meet the right person through the Internet since very often the Internet agencies do not care to provide the true information about their clients and bear no responsibility for any consequences. The dangerous thing is that due to deplorable economy and poverty in ex-Soviet Republic many young ladies in Russia nowadays prefer the “oldest” business, using their bodies to earn their living. To marry a Foreigner and escape from Russia is the dream for most of them.

You can check the Psychology page page at my website, where you can find some articles regarding this subject. I have also forwarded you an email with some practical advice.
Best regards,
Natasha

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