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TO FALL IN LOVE OR TO BE READY FOR
COMMITMENT?
Marina talks about commitment and
gives her advice.
Two
years ago my husband (he is an American of Latvian ancestry) was
browsing through the web pages on Latvia and came across my page. He
wrote me a letter and we started corresponding. Yes, it was a very
exciting time : we had a lot to share, we were so eager to learn
about each other, about our countries... When we met each other - we
fell in love...
Our story is as old as world! But
falling in love is the easier part of relationship. Staying there - is the
difficult part after the newness and the excitement have ended. That is when the
commitment to work things out begins. I see this problem in such way: it is very
important to be ready to approach a relationship with the firm attitude that it
is for the rest of your life and to you both should be able to give to it 105% -
not just 50%. The core of this belief is that as humans we only see and
appreciate a portion of what is given to us. And so it goes on – a gradual
degradation of a commitment.
I think that it is not important how and where
we meet each other and are we international couple or not. Laws of love are the
same for all places and for all times. I agree, that to leave our own country
and to go to strange world with different language and different mode of life -
it is very difficult. But I don’t believe that these difficulties are the reason
of broken relationship. I don’t want to offend anybody, but when I read some of
the stories or messages at this site, I want to ask these people : “My dear, are
you sure that it is /was love? Are you sure that you and your partner take
commitments really seriously?”
I don’t want to sound like a mentor or a
person “who knows everything”. We have some problems in our family too and I
feel very homesick often. Is it a reason to be unhappy? I don’t think so. It is
a reason to work and to improve things. I don’t have too big experience in
living here, in the USA, but may be my simple advices could help someone who
does not know what to do with yourself.
1. Realize what would you want to do here (in USA) – to study, to work
etc.
2. Write the list of things what you need to do (to study the language,
to get a driver license, etc).
3. Discuss it with you husband: get his
opinion and help.
4. Start doing all these things from your list.
5. Daily
write the list of “what to do” – it is boring, but it will help you alot.
6.
Go to the gym or make gym at home; run at the morning or play tennis.
7. Go
to the elementary school and offer your help – they always need help (you will
get a lot of new friends and will improve your English).
8. Find the community center in
your places (they have many classes in different fields) and start to attend any
class just to contact other people.
9. If you have some hobby – develop
it.
10. Don’t feel pity for yourself and don’t think that you are so
unhappy.
11. ………….( you can continue by yourself)
Sincerely,
Marina
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Women Abroad
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