DREAMS AND REALITY. DOES HOPE DIE?

 This story began almost a year ago and should have its Happy End this winter. But who knows, may be the decision to break the relationship has become the Happy ending for both parties involved? Unfortunately, similar stories happens much more often than we would wish and than we may know. The search for love in different countries takes enormous commitment of both time and money to make a dream happen, and for many people involved into this adventure it is very hard to start over again.

Despite of numerous Red Flags, which people encounter during the process of getting to know each other, and concerns they develop along the way, many of them prefer to "close their eyes" and go forward, hoping for the best. The following story was sent to me by one of those romantics who traveled to Russia in search of the love of his life:
(Please email me if you have comments or a story from your own experience, and I will forward them to the author or place on this website.)

"... About a month ago we agreed to begin a Fiancee Visa process for the girl I met through one of the very reliable Russian marriage agencies. I waited three weeks until I got my paycheck to actually begin the process. Near the end of this wait, I called her, so as to hear her voice because I missed her. Suddenly, she told me that she needed $1500 for an operation.  I did not believe her. During our correspondence and, after our trip to Europe, my Russian date had offered me many warning signs that I chose to ignore. This final accident happened right before we were going to move to the final step, made me feel that we needed a serious talk.

I finally began to realize that I was nine months late to the goodbye party that was thrown in my honor and many thousands of dollars short for the dream that I sought. At this point I had to know if she was ready for commitment, that she really loved me. I called her and she said she had no time to talk. She sounded as if she was going in for this surgery. I called her the next day. She did not mention a word about the surgery nor her health. During these three weeks , she never wrote me.

The only thing she offered me was a couple of phone calls where she demanded money. During our acquaintance I took her on a $9000 trip to Europe, $1000 of which was a non-stop shopping spree that I could not pull her away from. I spent $1500 trying to buy her a tourist visa before that trip so that she could come here, not to mention thousands of dollars arranging 3-way phone calls so we could talk with an interpreter's help.

Among the million warning signs that I was being a fool was this one: When I offered her the Fiancee visa in December and she agreed, I told her that it was her Christmas present, that the new life that we could share together was the present I had to offer her for the new year. Amazingly enough, she said she did not see this visas as a Christmas present and she wanted another. I sent her $200, $100 for this present and $100 for the interpreter that was supposed to help us with our phone calls and emails until our meet. Finally, her total lack of appreciation (as evidenced by our vacation together), her reaction to the Fiancee visa, and many other signs, which showed no true affection from her side, forced me to throw in the towel. I wrote her a goodbye letter last night. I offered her my heart - I can give no more.

Although the distance between Russia and America is long, as is the commitment of time and effort to make our dreams come true, the hunger for love knows no borders, and to dare not dream, would be to abandon hope. But if not for hope, where would one find dreams? And yet we wonder, do dreams ever come true? What is, what if?.. To not try would be to never know , to not reach out would be to never try. But if not for dreams, where one would find hope? And what good is hope if you cannot take the chance to make hope come alive, so you can reach out and touch it, to feel the softness of her skin, to gaze into her eyes, and enjoy beauty of her smile.

It is this crazy thing called hope that brings us together, but for the American guy, it is the hope that his search is over, whereas for the Russian girl, we need to understand the cold, hard reality, the search may only be beginning. How sad!"

  The original letter is published with insignificant stylistic editing. You can send your comments to natasha@russianwomenabroad.com or discuss it at our Forum.