QUESTION:     “My sister got into a very difficult situation. A year ago she met an American. He came to visit her 4 times, and called her daily.  In general the relationships looked very nice.  They have made decision to marry long ago.  They were engaged, but her departure was always suspended: first he had problems with his business, than 11 of September thing, then his grandma died and he was waiting a case about inheritance…  After his last visit to Ukraine, my sister got pregnant and they decided to get married in Ukraine to speed up her arrival to America.  Now her baby is 3 months old, and yesterday we got 4 emails from him where he tried to prove that this baby is not his.  At the end of the letter he said that he is sterile.  He said he agreed to DNA analysis but only if it would be done in America.  “But it’s impossible” – added he, implying that my sister does not have money for the trip. What can you advice in this case?  My sister wants to keep pregnancy since she is 29 and it’s her first pregnancy. Natasha, can you please help.  We don’t need his money, but would not he bear ANY responsibilities for breaking the life of the woman who trusted him?”

COMMENTS:      The real issue here is how can a woman living in Ukraine prove this man is the father of her child?  The writer says they are not interested in money, they only want him to bear some responsibility for the child.  She must realize that even if she were in the States, and the man behaved the same way, the only thing the law will enforce is determination of paternity and subsequent financial support for the child.  The law will not compel someone to be a good father- and it sounds like this guy will never be one.  She also must realize that there is little she can do to resolve this easily or quickly, but she has some options and should not give up.  I think your lawyer would have to be creative, motivated and determined, and then something could be done. You see, there is no smooth, well traveled mechanism in place now, that I am aware of, to determine paternity in this situation.  I see three ways she can try to get this guy to live up to his responsibilities. Each of them will take time and cost some money. 

First, she should consult a local Ukraine lawyer and go about obtaining a Ukrainian judgment of paternity as well as a LARGE financial support award for the child, AND obtain some sort of fraud or breach of promise to marry damages awarded as well.  For example, $300 a month child support, and damages of $25,000.  Then she can use this to attach his wallet if he ever shows up in Ukraine again (and he likely will). The real beauty of doing this will be using that Ukraine judgment in a US state court where the father resides, and then use the local US court’s power to collect money damages.  Far fetched?  Not really, it has been done before.  You see, in general, US courts are inclined to follow and uphold decisions of other courts, US and foreign, in the interest of good order.  The US court would review the basis of the decision, and may uphold it.  I represented a client who used an Italian court’s findings on family law matters and enforced them in the US. It can be done.  Perhaps in Ukraine, the court will find for the lady based upon her testimony and that of her family, and find paternity without a blood test.  She should bring the lawsuit in Ukraine, send notice to the father in the US by the most reliable means possible (best is personal service, it can be done for relatively little money).  This will likely cause the Ukraine court to be more inclined to find against the father (he came here to father a child, he can also come here to appear before this court and answer for his actions?). I t will also make the US court far more inclined to uphold and enforce the judgment.  Better yet, it will put the worry and fear of facing his responsibilities in the father. 

Second, she can find a sympathetic US lawyer in the man’s jurisdiction (easier to do then you think) and SUE THE BUM in US courts. There are several grounds for the court not allowing the suit, but they just might let it continue. If I were the lawyer, I would sue to establish paternity and seek damages for infliction of emotional distress, breach of promise to marry, and punitive damages. I would get the lawsuit filing published in an article in the local newspaper. Headline: American Predator Impregnates and Abandons Ukrainian Wife: Who Will Feed the Child?  She could find plenty of women’s rights lawyers who would gladly skin and publicly humiliate this guy. At the very least, the mother would have the satisfaction of hauling him into court, and forcing him to deal with the issue, hire a lawyer and worry about it, even if only for a little while.  She may win. Perhaps the court will order an acceptable way to have the blood drawn from the child - an American run clinic in Kiev-who knows. 

QUESTION:      “To begin with, I love my husband very much. He is very kind and loving and caring person. I entered USA this February, K-1 with 2 children and was pregnant already from him, as he visited me many times in Russia and we spent much time together. We married the 9-th day of my arrival, and in March our son was born. Now I found out that he is in process of his divorce, that is why it appeared to me that he is double married!. In fact he said to me he parted with his wife 8 years ago, but it was not officially for the sake of their children. He lived in their house and was looking after them, as she is a kind of businesswomen. So, I guess, he was very convenient for her. Now she refused to sign a divorce not because she loves him but "in revenge" as she said to our lawyer. And the waiting period for this will be a year, when it will be automatically. She is threatening him to inform INS about me and our lousy situation and will demand my deportation. She is a wealthy well-to-do and active person and will not stop as she spent already $30 000 on lawyers. Can they really deport me and what shall I do in this situation? No one lawyer could give any advice. I am in constant fear for my family, for man I love so much . What to do?  

COMMENTS:      Is this really happening? Look, you are fine and did nothing wrong. As you know, it is illegal for a man to be married to two women at the same time. The law doesn’t punish the second wife in this scenario. You are the innocent victim in all this. 

Your “husband” brought you here on some kind of visa, K-1 and K-3s for the children, most likely. In his Petition, he certified he was free to marry. He wasn’t. This misrepresentation is fraud, and will be taken quite seriously by the Department of Justice. He is the one in trouble, not you. They are trying to scare you into silence. If your marriage is invalid because he was already married, why is he trying to divorce you? Why not an annulment? Very strange. I wonder if there are more facts here we are not hearing. I can’t imagine a scenario where the INS would deport you. If they do, there are several ways you can remain here. You have the basis, upon the limited facts you described, to remain in the US. 

You MUST find a good lawyer. Don’t rely on rumor, threat, or advice from this board. Go to a lawyer, immigrant advocate group, church, women’s shelter or women’s law group. Give them all the facts, and make the best decisions you can. 

You MUST immediately determine paternity of your child, and if divorce proceedings have begun, obtain immediate child support, for all three of your children. Obtain immediate spousal support for yourself too.

QUESTION: It is known that Russian women - immigrants do not have  many legal rights until they get their permanent resident status. Could you please explain, what actions can  Dasha undertake (the main character of our True Story "Trapped"), as well as other Russian women in  similar situations? What are her options, and where she can apply for help?
Also, can you please explain what rights a Russian woman would possess under similar circumstances in case she IS legally married to an American citizen?

COMMENTS: Since Dasha never married the guy she can be deported. As a practical matter, its very unlikely (but possible) that she will be deported since she has two children who are US citizens. The family court does not care about immigration laws, or if someone is legally in the USA. They care about the best interests of the children. She has to begin a paternity action (lawsuit), to prove he is the father, and then ask the court to make the father pay child support.  Just how much child support she receives depends on his income, assets and what other awards he is assumed  for child support. Proving income is easy if a man only has a salary, but if he has his own business, it can be difficult. In most states, not all, it does not matter who is at fault or what bad things a man has done. The state applies a mathematical formula, and decides what should be paid.  If the woman can work, she often must - especially if the children are older. 
Now, if this lady were married, and he had not filed  a green card for her, she could file one on her own.  That is, if she can prove domestic violence.  How to prove it - and the best way - should be tailored  to each individual circumstance. The INS is getting more careful and requires some outside proof, not just a statement of accusation by the lady. Also, she cannot get divorced until she makes the application for a green card.

QUESTION: Lena from NY lives with an American citizen. They are not officially married, but have lived together for 3.5 years. They have 2 children and their names are in their birth certificates. If this woman decides to leave the man, will he be able to get  joint custody for their children? (She is afraid of that). Is she eligible for Child Support (alimony)?

COMMENTS:   Its always possible for the man to get joint custody. After all, he is the father.  Especially, when children are small, its typical for the mother to have primary custody, while the father receives only visitation rights. The father must substantially prove that she is a bad mother. Its possible, but difficult, unless she is a drug user or is abusive toward the children.  If there is any  violence on his part, this is a factor.  In California, domestic violence will prevent him from being awarded custody in most cases.  Alimony is paid to the wife. Child support is paid to the woman for benefit of the children.  It does not depend on whether they were married.  It depends on their incomes and comparative earning power. The court can garnish his paycheck to pay for this. If the woman does not work, the court will demand the man pay for legal expenses (i.e. her lawyer) that she incurs.  Any woman, in such a situation, needs to see a lawyer in the place she lives to get exact advice. This is only general advice. To find a lawyer, she should ask friends, or go to the local women's shelter for abused women.  They will advise her well on anything.