TO LOOK FOR THE "RIGHT ONE' OR TO BECOME THE ONE?
Our contributor, Mike Sholar, gives some insight on the problem of
"expectation trap"

Many people say that they wish to meet the "right one" for them. There is a commonality of hope between people who are not necessarily lonely, but are, nevertheless, alone. More and more people complain that they are tired of meeting dates in bars and afraid of the Internet. Most of them have given up the search, replacing it with something much easier - work, sport, movies, etc. The fact remains: it does not really matter where you are when you meet that special someone. It is what you do afterwards; it is how you go about developing the screening process and the means, by which you form the foundation to continue building that relationship.

The very place to begin is within. Rather than searching for the "right one", one must first strive to become mentally, emotionally, and to a more superficial regard - physically attractive to others. Simply stated, "be the Right person". For once this is accomplished, you will be able to attract the right people. You will also be able to sift through the warning signs, the incompatible quirks that make people who they are. Some characteristics comprise a person's being. On the other hand, some attributes are simply behaviors. With persistence and determination an individual may change his or her behavior. It is not your duty, nor your responsibility to investigate that change on behalf of another. The only one who can truly identify a behavior and successfully alter it in a more positive way is the individual who possesses it in the first place. Remember that manipulation and control are negative and unattractive qualities.
"The proof is in the pudding." If it tastes funny, there is probably a reason for it. I also believe that the age factor does not particularly matter. Some of the most immature people I know are in their forties. Though, the mutual expectations of couples with significant age differences should be reasonable. In such a family, the older husband should not expect his young wife to be something she has yet to become. It is her own path that will provide her with the wisdom that comes with experience and age.

The young wife, on the other hand, should not expect her older husband to be as "flighty" and uncalculating as the 20 year old guy whom she met at a nightclub. Neither should presume to know the other partner after only a few months of correspondence and a short time spent together. Honor, respect, appreciation go a long way.

Protect yourself and the one you care about. May be you are a Russian woman living abroad and wondering why things aren't coming to fruition, emotionally, the way you dreamed? Try to look deeper in yourself. Did you fall in love with this man for who he was, or more from where he came? Maybe you are an American man, disappointed with your Russian wife? Think - were you attracted to her due to her personal qualities,  or did she intrigue you just because she seemed so unlike the women with whom you were surrounded? If both of you substitute the truth about yourselves with illusion, this relationship is doomed from the beginning.